Dear diary,

I’m scared that I might be overachieving.

On Monday morning I woke up at
6.30 and went to the gym- something I thought was physically impossible. I only normally get out of bed for bacon or the fact I’d be fired otherwise… or if I really need a wee. I managed this feat by motivating myself with some ‘get up and go get ‘em’ words on my alarm. See picture 5).

In other news, I’m worried about Gina. The other day she just whisipered
‘Jenn’, with a big grin on her face whilst holding a big tub of peanut butter.
I’ll speak to her at lunch to make sure she’s 100% ticketyboo (as if
‘ticketyboo’ comes up as a spelling mistake. It clearly means a ghost that’s inside a clock for so long instead of saying boo it says tick… a ticketyboo.) Also, the other day, we went for pasta at a pasta place (I know, fucking crazy right) and there was a little pot of olive oil, which
is fine, but  there was also a little red
pot of paraffin wax that Gina decided was chilli oil and dipped her bread into.
So we had a bit of a scary moment when we thought Gina might die, but it was ALL
FINE in the end but she did essentially eat paraffin.

I’m in love with Mark Ruffalo. He keeps tweeting about world
politics and I don’t understand it, which makes me sad because it feels like
we’d never get along if we dated. That, and the fact he’s married with kids.
But seriously, the twitter bit is bumming me out. I decided about my new found love after
watching, ‘Begin Again’, which is a really good movie but mainly because
Ruffalo is a really good hottie babe actor man.

I might go to Norwich this weekend. It’s my friend Josh’s
leaving do and to be honest it’s a great excuse to go av it large in N town. I
might see Ellie. She’s quite small and quite nice.

Couple of things I need to put in here but shall gloss over
because I don’t want anyone to worry but I need to remember they happened for
my future self:

–      
Random vodka on bus with famalam

–      
Man called Paris might be a church cult

Went to the Grump club on Sat eve with Irish. We drove over
in his new Merc, because Irish doesn’t drink. Jenn does though. Jenn loves a
drink. She/I had a few glasses of wine, perved on a few hotties, and bumped
into my radio love, Tasty Lopez. She’s a total babe and you can listen to her
sexy voice here kiddos:

http://www.sohoradiolondon.com/member/tasty-lopez

We also meant this crazy lady called Natalie from Glasgow. She’s
now our friend and Irish is having dinner with her next week.

On Sunday I slept the entire day. I was kind of in and out
of consciousness but it was soooooo nice because I had the window open and the
cold air made me feel like I was camping in my little bed- although I woke up
at 8pm, which meant I missed the laundrette, WHICH MEANS THAT I didn’t have any
clean undies and no I’m not being dramatic- I had to wash a few pairs in the
shower and the heating wasn’t working so they weren’t really very dry and so I
sat at work with a really cold arse.

Last Thursday we went to the Shaston arms with work and
played touch the cup and I dropped the cup(s) because when I get drunk I loose
control of my limbs.

Mum came to visit last weekend. That’s kind of what pictures 2, 3 and 5 are about. We drank £5.50 hot
chocolates and went to a rooftop bar called Sushi Samba and ate in the Tramshed
and bought vintage clothes and it was good and I miss her.

Last Friday I went to a Britney night. Gina looked like
Britney which was weird but she looked well cool. I got really drunk and that’s when
the buses happened. I got back to the pub and there was a lock in so I drank
more which was a bad idea to be honest with you.

Last night, Gina and I were sent to a health food taster
thing for work (see picture 6). Ok, need to drop in here that I (for some reason) thought it
was a 15 dish pizza tasting thing. The most ridiculous thing about this is that
I was fully geared up to eat 15 pizzas. I would have fucking died. Anyways, it
was SAH GURD and was it was all like meat and rice and stuff and I enjoyed myself to the
point that I had like 4 different types of food mushing around in and around my mouth at all once. I’m pretty sure I didn’t even breathe whilst chowing down on some sweet
falaff. Gina and I had been to the gym and hadn’t drank water OR had dinner, so
after approx 1.5 glasses of wine I was feeling a bit out of sorts and decided to start talking loudly, in a silent dining room with around 15 people. Gina
was explaining how she needed to get home to moisturise, but I misheard her and
yelled, ‘CREAM YOUR BUTTCHEEKS?’.

I can’t pretend that my blog hasn’t exploded into some kind
of fountain of awesomeness. Gina did this. You know like on Miley Cyrus’ videos
at the end it says, ‘Mike Will Made This’? Well I should sign off with, ‘Gina
Martin Made This Gif and I Chose The Background On Google Images But Struggled
To Find a High Res One That Wasn’t Copywrited.’

Stevie put me in contact with a human that I want
to be. Instead I’ll settle for a coffee with her, but 100 million percent check her out
her shitttttt because I like it and we’ve all gotta like what I like. Ammmahhreieeeeight?

READ READ READ PUT IT INTO YOUR BRAIN:

http://girllostinthecity.com

PS- The very first picture is me, enjoying some lentils, right now, while I wonder about the cosmos. 

I’m sorta sat here at work kinda chest- pumping to ‘Me Against the Music’ by Britney and Madonna- ‘I wanna get in the zowwwwwnnn, I’mma takaa you owwwnnnn.’ You know that jam. ‘Let me see ya, I wanna see ya.’ Christ, some lyrics really are crap aren’t they? 

Soooo since getting my hair cut in Soho, I then went back and got it highlighted for a very reasonable £60, but I definitely said ‘please destroy my hair and make it white, thanks sah much.’ He didn’t, he did what every good hairdresser does, and subtly made my hair look as thought I’d sat in the sun for a day or so. How quaint for the other life Jenny. This other life Jenny probably also has savings, a drivers license and nice nails. THIS JENNY IS TRASHY AND WANTS TRASHY HAIR THAT SUITS HER TRASHY LIFESTYLE. Flipping hell. Anyways, so now my hair looks nice and I’m a bit down about it. 

On the upside, me and Gee are starting our radio show this Sunday. Y’all choon in now, y’hear? I don’t wanna hear any of this, ‘I’m not bothered about you or Gina’ or even, ‘Who are you? Leave me alone’. Excuses excuses! You gotta listen. I don’t wanna fob you off with the wrong website address, so just go onto google, search soho radio, then kerplam, you’re in it to win it. So Sunday, 2pm. Don’t be late! If you’re late I won’t ever know because I’ll be miles away and it’s more of a voice thing, but the guilt will drive you insane and you’ll get 6 months in prison for it.

On a lighter note, Percy Pig has got friends. Two of them to be exact. A sheep-cow and a cow-sheep. Not sure which is which, but the cow is coca cola flavoured and the sheep is really fluffy and cute and according to Gina looks like a placenta. Yum!

So I’m chowing down on Percy Pig, moo moo cow and placenta sheep, but later I’m going to eat Broccoli and rice.

Oh yeah I joined Fitness First. Wrote that as Fitness Fist first then giggled then was like oh god i’m horrible, fist is a normal word why would that make me giggle?

So the gym is cool, went to Body Attack on Monday with Gina at 7.15. Yes 7.15 kids, I plan to have a body so darn slammin, y’all gonna be like woah and i’ll do that ‘progression’ selfie thing. Probs won’t to be fair. I have one of those bods that looks great in clothes but naked it’s more like Salad Fingers from Youtube. 

Gina right this very second: ‘Omg my hair is full of milk’ (she spilled it this morning, it’s now 5.10pm)

Me (not really arsed, trying to type this): Oh yeah, haha…

Gina: No look! It stands up by itself!

Jesus Gina, have a wash child. 

Nah, in her milky defence there aint no shower at work. I’ll scrub her down when we get home, pre broccoli.

Gerry, Gina and I are going to IKEA soon to act out scenes in those pre made rooms. It’s going to all be about sustainability, then we’re going to get arrested and thrown out. The pandas are cool with it but the golden elephant CBA and is going to hold the fort. We’re going to text Jonie when we’re on our way home so she can make some sandwiches for our arrival. Cool beans.

On Tues (two weeks ago) we met up with the loverly Coley (Gina’s homey) and went to Vogue fashion parties. This sounds very glam but it required a lot of walking about. We took selfies and drank lots of cocktails and queued for a copy of Vogue.

I went to see my momma, not last weekend but the one before (where DOES the time go?)… that was all kinds of fun and I met the new cat she’s got called Jet who is CAAHUTTTEEEE and I wanted to squeeze him very hard and I couldn’t because I would crush his skeleton and I can’t imagine for a second my mum would be too happy about that.

Oh yeah, fucking Gina right. Yesterday she crept up on me whilst I was washing my face in the B-room, then THIS MORNING at the gym as I was MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS, she decides to push her face up against the opaque glass wall of my shower, which made me scream. I hate her so much.

Gina’s been painting a room at work called ‘The Snug’. It’s where we all chill and breakout creatively, and when I saw her handy work it was like looking at the ceiling of the Sistine chapel, props to you and high five and big hug and hand shake to you ma friend.

Sooooo Gina’s eloped with Michelangelo, milk and all. I’m just here, writing my blog, waiting for tidy-up-time (do you remember at school you used to put your chairs on your table and I used to sing, ‘it’s time to tidy up time’. But this one time at time to tidy up time some bitch, who I can’t remember the name of now, stole my cool strawberry lip salve that my mum bought me from ASDA after I waited for like a year before I could wear ‘makeup’ (note to everyone, yes my mum is a bit retarded and would constitute lip salve as makeup) DURING time to tidy up time because I was an overpowering child whereby I voluntarily went around making sure everyone has sufficiently tidied up. While the cat’s away eh? Not sure that fits there, but it’s a sad tale, one I’ll never forget.)

Future plans? Well now, tomorrow is Thursday and then by some madness it is then FRIDAY which means I might see SARAH who BAILED on me last weekend, so that’ll be nice, won’t it? Then Saturday Gina and I and loadsa people from work are going to Nikki’s (accounts lady) wedding bash. We’re going to dress up and look well good. We’ll put loadsa piccies on FB if ya want and ya can be like mergod Jenn looks right nice. 

I’m also sorry/ guilty for not taking better pictures for the blog. It’s because I’m lazy. But here’s one of me looking at Gina as she looks at me, taking a picture. It’s like inception or voyeurism or quinoa or something… 

To finish on, Gina and I now have a set of drawers from IKEA that we put our underwear in. 

I’m sorta sat here at work kinda chest- pumping to ‘Me Against the Music’ by Britney and Madonna- ‘I wanna get in the zowwwwwnnn, I’mma takaa you owwwnnnn.’ You know that jam. ‘Let me see ya, I wanna see ya.’ Christ, some lyrics really are crap aren’t they? 

Soooo since getting my hair cut in Soho, I then went back and got it highlighted for a very reasonable £60, but I definitely said ‘please destroy my hair and make it white, thanks sah much.’ He didn’t, he did what every good hairdresser does, and subtly made my hair look as thought I’d sat in the sun for a day or so. How quaint for the other life Jenny. This other life Jenny probably also has savings, a drivers license and nice nails. THIS JENNY IS TRASHY AND WANTS TRASHY HAIR THAT SUITS HER TRASHY LIFESTYLE. Flipping hell. Anyways, so now my hair looks nice and I’m a bit down about it. 

On the upside, me and Gee are starting our radio show this Sunday. Y’all choon in now, y’hear? I don’t wanna hear any of this, ‘I’m not bothered about you or Gina’ or even, ‘Who are you? Leave me alone’. Excuses excuses! You gotta listen. I don’t wanna fob you off with the wrong website address, so just go onto google, search soho radio, then kerplam, you’re in it to win it. So Sunday, 2pm. Don’t be late! If you’re late I won’t ever know because I’ll be miles away and it’s more of a voice thing, but the guilt will drive you insane and you’ll get 6 months in prison for it.

On a lighter note, Percy Pig has got friends. Two of them to be exact. A sheep-cow and a cow-sheep. Not sure which is which, but the cow is coca cola flavoured and the sheep is really fluffy and cute and according to Gina looks like a placenta. Yum!

So I’m chowing down on Percy Pig, moo moo cow and placenta sheep, but later I’m going to eat Broccoli and rice.

Oh yeah I joined Fitness First. Wrote that as Fitness Fist first then giggled then was like oh god i’m horrible, fist is a normal word why would that make me giggle?

So the gym is cool, went to Body Attack on Monday with Gina at 7.15. Yes 7.15 kids, I plan to have a body so darn slammin, y’all gonna be like woah and i’ll do that ‘progression’ selfie thing. Probs won’t to be fair. I have one of those bods that looks great in clothes but naked it’s more like Salad Fingers from Youtube. 

Gina right this very second: ‘Omg my hair is full of milk’ (she spilled it this morning, it’s now 5.10pm)

Me (not really arsed, trying to type this): Oh yeah, haha…

Gina: No look! It stands up by itself!

Jesus Gina, have a wash child. 

Nah, in her milky defence there aint no shower at work. I’ll scrub her down when we get home, pre broccoli.

Gerry, Gina and I are going to IKEA soon to act out scenes in those pre made rooms. It’s going to all be about sustainability, then we’re going to get arrested and thrown out. The pandas are cool with it but the golden elephant CBA and is going to hold the fort. We’re going to text Jonie when we’re on our way home so she can make some sandwiches for our arrival. Cool beans.

On Tues (two weeks ago) we met up with the loverly Coley (Gina’s homey) and went to Vogue fashion parties. This sounds very glam but it required a lot of walking about. We took selfies and drank lots of cocktails and queued for a copy of Vogue.

I went to see my momma, not last weekend but the one before (where DOES the time go?)… that was all kinds of fun and I met the new cat she’s got called Jet who is CAAHUTTTEEEE and I wanted to squeeze him very hard and I couldn’t because I would crush his skeleton and I can’t imagine for a second my mum would be too happy about that.

Oh yeah, fucking Gina right. Yesterday she crept up on me whilst I was washing my face in the B-room, then THIS MORNING at the gym as I was MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS, she decides to push her face up against the opaque glass wall of my shower, which made me scream. I hate her so much.

Gina’s been painting a room at work called ‘The Snug’. It’s where we all chill and breakout creatively, and when I saw her handy work it was like looking at the ceiling of the Sistine chapel, props to you and high five and big hug and hand shake to you ma friend.

Sooooo Gina’s eloped with Michelangelo, milk and all. I’m just here, writing my blog, waiting for tidy-up-time (do you remember at school you used to put your chairs on your table and I used to sing, ‘it’s time to tidy up time’. But this one time at time to tidy up time some bitch, who I can’t remember the name of now, stole my cool strawberry lip salve that my mum bought me from ASDA after I waited for like a year before I could wear ‘makeup’ (note to everyone, yes my mum is a bit retarded and would constitute lip salve as makeup) DURING time to tidy up time because I was an overpowering child whereby I voluntarily went around making sure everyone has sufficiently tidied up. While the cat’s away eh? Not sure that fits there, but it’s a sad tale, one I’ll never forget.)

Future plans? Well now, tomorrow is Thursday and then by some madness it is then FRIDAY which means I might see SARAH who BAILED on me last weekend, so that’ll be nice, won’t it? Then Saturday Gina and I and loadsa people from work are going to Nikki’s (accounts lady) wedding bash. We’re going to dress up and look well good. We’ll put loadsa piccies on FB if ya want and ya can be like mergod Jenn looks right nice. 

I’m also sorry/ guilty for not taking better pictures for the blog. It’s because I’m lazy. But here’s one of me looking at Gina as she looks at me, taking a picture. It’s like inception or voyeurism or quinoa or something… 

To finish on, Gina and I now have a set of drawers from IKEA that we put our underwear in.