Dear diary,

I’m scared that I might be overachieving.

On Monday morning I woke up at
6.30 and went to the gym- something I thought was physically impossible. I only normally get out of bed for bacon or the fact I’d be fired otherwise… or if I really need a wee. I managed this feat by motivating myself with some ‘get up and go get ‘em’ words on my alarm. See picture 5).

In other news, I’m worried about Gina. The other day she just whisipered
‘Jenn’, with a big grin on her face whilst holding a big tub of peanut butter.
I’ll speak to her at lunch to make sure she’s 100% ticketyboo (as if
‘ticketyboo’ comes up as a spelling mistake. It clearly means a ghost that’s inside a clock for so long instead of saying boo it says tick… a ticketyboo.) Also, the other day, we went for pasta at a pasta place (I know, fucking crazy right) and there was a little pot of olive oil, which
is fine, but  there was also a little red
pot of paraffin wax that Gina decided was chilli oil and dipped her bread into.
So we had a bit of a scary moment when we thought Gina might die, but it was ALL
FINE in the end but she did essentially eat paraffin.

I’m in love with Mark Ruffalo. He keeps tweeting about world
politics and I don’t understand it, which makes me sad because it feels like
we’d never get along if we dated. That, and the fact he’s married with kids.
But seriously, the twitter bit is bumming me out. I decided about my new found love after
watching, ‘Begin Again’, which is a really good movie but mainly because
Ruffalo is a really good hottie babe actor man.

I might go to Norwich this weekend. It’s my friend Josh’s
leaving do and to be honest it’s a great excuse to go av it large in N town. I
might see Ellie. She’s quite small and quite nice.

Couple of things I need to put in here but shall gloss over
because I don’t want anyone to worry but I need to remember they happened for
my future self:

Random vodka on bus with famalam

Man called Paris might be a church cult

Went to the Grump club on Sat eve with Irish. We drove over
in his new Merc, because Irish doesn’t drink. Jenn does though. Jenn loves a
drink. She/I had a few glasses of wine, perved on a few hotties, and bumped
into my radio love, Tasty Lopez. She’s a total babe and you can listen to her
sexy voice here kiddos:

We also meant this crazy lady called Natalie from Glasgow. She’s
now our friend and Irish is having dinner with her next week.

On Sunday I slept the entire day. I was kind of in and out
of consciousness but it was soooooo nice because I had the window open and the
cold air made me feel like I was camping in my little bed- although I woke up
at 8pm, which meant I missed the laundrette, WHICH MEANS THAT I didn’t have any
clean undies and no I’m not being dramatic- I had to wash a few pairs in the
shower and the heating wasn’t working so they weren’t really very dry and so I
sat at work with a really cold arse.

Last Thursday we went to the Shaston arms with work and
played touch the cup and I dropped the cup(s) because when I get drunk I loose
control of my limbs.

Mum came to visit last weekend. That’s kind of what pictures 2, 3 and 5 are about. We drank £5.50 hot
chocolates and went to a rooftop bar called Sushi Samba and ate in the Tramshed
and bought vintage clothes and it was good and I miss her.

Last Friday I went to a Britney night. Gina looked like
Britney which was weird but she looked well cool. I got really drunk and that’s when
the buses happened. I got back to the pub and there was a lock in so I drank
more which was a bad idea to be honest with you.

Last night, Gina and I were sent to a health food taster
thing for work (see picture 6). Ok, need to drop in here that I (for some reason) thought it
was a 15 dish pizza tasting thing. The most ridiculous thing about this is that
I was fully geared up to eat 15 pizzas. I would have fucking died. Anyways, it
was SAH GURD and was it was all like meat and rice and stuff and I enjoyed myself to the
point that I had like 4 different types of food mushing around in and around my mouth at all once. I’m pretty sure I didn’t even breathe whilst chowing down on some sweet
falaff. Gina and I had been to the gym and hadn’t drank water OR had dinner, so
after approx 1.5 glasses of wine I was feeling a bit out of sorts and decided to start talking loudly, in a silent dining room with around 15 people. Gina
was explaining how she needed to get home to moisturise, but I misheard her and

I can’t pretend that my blog hasn’t exploded into some kind
of fountain of awesomeness. Gina did this. You know like on Miley Cyrus’ videos
at the end it says, ‘Mike Will Made This’? Well I should sign off with, ‘Gina
Martin Made This Gif and I Chose The Background On Google Images But Struggled
To Find a High Res One That Wasn’t Copywrited.’

Stevie put me in contact with a human that I want
to be. Instead I’ll settle for a coffee with her, but 100 million percent check her out
her shitttttt because I like it and we’ve all gotta like what I like. Ammmahhreieeeeight?


PS- The very first picture is me, enjoying some lentils, right now, while I wonder about the cosmos. 


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