Shakira’s cool and I Need Some Hoover Advice.


I have been circling my laptop for about two hours now. Like a shark and its prey. Only I’m not bloodthirsty to write this post. It’s not that something horrific has happened, it’s just I’m a lazy bum-mother.

Well here we go then seeing as you will all start sending me hate mail if I don’t post this (we love our jokes don’t we penny). The past week has been TROUBLE-SOME. Oh and while we’re on the subject of Shakira, ‘She Wolf’ is a banger and I’m listening to it now whilst eating a chocolate egg and it’s spurring me on. “ARooooooO”…


So yeah, the week was full of trouble. Gina came home last Sunday- that wasn’t the troubly bit. This horrid couple came in to the Boogs and stole my very expensive new camera, so if you see anyone with a Canon 600D (even if they’re working in Jessops and are showing it to people) it’s probably mine. You should tap them on the shoulder and firmly grip it with both hands then message me. Gits.

Then Monday happened like it always seems to- I’ve been tossing (tossing?) around the idea of a jaunt to Budapest. It’s not like I need a holiday, and I deffo just gave up my job, so I’m thinking NO but Im also thinking YES because of the tossing. Once you start tossing an idea, it turns into a pancake before you know it you’ve eaten it and you’re in Budapest spending money you don’t have. I also might go to Lisbon with Gaffey and Tod. They mentioned something about bread and meat but I’ll have to double confirm what they meant. 

If you’re British, you’ve been having days off LEFT RIGHT AND CENTRE. Today is the last of the 4 day bender (can we LOL at the fact soon this will be my life). I went to my dad’s for the Easter holiday weekend, which let’s face it is for the best. BUT I missed my 8am flight on Thursday morning and I cried my guts up but luckily my Dad loves me so got me another ticket for Friday morning so that’s where I’ve been eating eggs (chocolate) and toast and tea. I also did some gardening and helped him to scrape away all the mould on his front patio thing. I also spent ages planting all his new bushes, much to his dismay as I planted them in the wrong part of the garden and they had to be dug up again. On a happier note we managed to haul a tree out of the ground. It was stuck in like a right proper bugger. Pulling it out was like a scene out of Predator VS Alien. Roots and everything. Wiggle. 

Here’s the beautiful view from the airport layby in Belfast. It rained a shit tonne, then rainbowwed fuck loads:


I bought Dad and S some chocolates from Hotel Chocolat, which we ate whilst watching Goggle Box last night. We also traipsed around the Northern Irish county side looking for wedding venues for Kirsten. I liked the biscuits at the first place. We also got driven around in a Royal Royce (is that how you spell it? I have a friend called Royce. Tell Royce he should marry someone royal then he’ll be Royal Royce) all day.

Here’s what the Irish think is an acceptable amount of potato in one meal:


Erm what else? Came home from NI this morning (two hrs late. No, a carton of complimentary OJ does not make up for your shoddyness British Airways. Okay, fine it did a bit) to my new microphones. MY! What a delight! What a treat! Oh how great THIS FUCKING ISNT BECAUSE THEY WERE MEANT TO BE FOR MY NEW CANON THAT THE GITS STOLE LAST WEEKEND. That was a kick in the bollocks, wasn’t it Penny…

There’s someone I’m trying to be cool around at the mo and I deffo turned up at his place of work v. drunk, but we (my brain and I) are hoping he doesn’t think I’m a twit. 

On a happier note, Britney’s song, ‘Hold it Against me’ just came on. 

I need help by the way- I have big rug in my room and I’m a girl (wait, let me finish) and hoover as I might, I can’t get my head hairs out of it. Any one know what to do about this?

AL messaged saying I could use his office in Soho because even tho I’m annoying, I still need to work in a grown up environment in central Soho and not become glued by bits of food to the sofa. I really like his lamps so I think I’ll take him up on this offer. 

Right. I am no Kate Moss, but I’d consider myself as a strong wind on the fashion richter scale. I recently bought a darling vintage suede (f the animals) jacket which is 1. BANG ON FOR SPRING/SUMMER 2016 2. EXTREMELY CHIC. Here’s what the internet decided was a great pairing for said jacket. AM I EASTERN EUROPEAN DO I OWN A MIRROR DO I HAVE EYES ARE YOU JOKING AM I IN 1985 DO I WORK FOR JANE NORMAN DID I PASS OUT AND ITS APRIL FOOLS IF SO THIS MAKES SENSE… are all the questions that went through my head:


This week is going to be great/ weird/ sad/ because Wednesday is my last day of my proper job… BUT I’m going to the theatre Weds eve with Shane, Thurs I have my pretend leaving do THEN FRIDAY I have my real leaving do OMG THEN SATURDAY I have Roxi’s birthday. Sunday I will sit in the bath and poor gravy on myself so I become a gravy boat and can just like dip potatoes and carrots and stuff in my own gravy fondu. 

Screen Shot 2016-03-13 at 13.50.55.png

^ This message used to annoy me but now I kind of know how Final Cut Pro feels. Nobody saw it coming when I quit my job but they were still super supportive so I feel like next time your computer’s like, ‘this is too much, I’m off’, try to understand.

Here’s a picture of me when I nearly OD’d on creme eggs this weekend: 


Oh I must tell you dear reader that I’ve started a NEW blog  (I’m the blogger who keeps on blogging)… it’s for more serious and well written (haha probably not) pieces that pop into 

my head. I’ll put the link up soon.

Current situation:

Ashamed at the amount of chocolate in my belly 

Ashamed at the amount of chocolate on my jeans

Decidedly don’t like Beyonce’s new music but will listen anyway because I’m a bit chavvy

Going to write my first grown up blog post tonight

My nose is peeling


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