I went on a date and I’ve got Rabies.

Right here we go then. What bloody shit show has Crothers gotten herself into this week. Drum roll pls.

So as I sit here wearing Gina’s jumper (‘just be careful mate I think there’s dog shit on the front’) I am a tad hungover as I went on a date last night and apparently a good night out for me consists of consuming a months worth of alcohol units. Hehe.

That’s right boys, old Crothy was being woo’d last night. Isn’t it a scary thought to think that I may no longer be available?

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^^ Looky at this error message I got the other day. It made me LOL because it sounded like the server had some stoned adolescent attitude. I added some words to make you understand what I mean.

I am absolutely OBSESSED with a restaurant called Balls & Co. Before you start thinking about jokes about your balls, I’ve already thought of them all. So shut up with your thoughts. Anyway it’s so good. You order four balls of your choice, then a sauce THEN a side. I know I was drunk on my date because I vaguely recall telling the dat-ee that the menu was similar to Google.

 

That was all written Thursday ^. As I sit here and try to recall the past life events, I can’t for the life of me remember what happened on Thursday. I normally note everything in my ICALENDAR (much to the annoyance of our head of digital, who has his ICALENDERRRAGH synced with everyone’s in the office so he’ll randomly get notes such as, ‘Big nite out lol’, or ‘bloody Rabies again, 3pm.’ I am hashtag sorry not sorry Steve.) Unfortunately there’s a big old white empty box on last Thursday, so let’s assume I did nothing but stare at a wall all day.

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Shout out to my main girl, my GP, who has sent me on a life long course of injections for Peru. I have to go get some at this ‘travel doctors’, called NOMAD. I Googled ‘Nomad’, and this club was the first hit. Apparently they only let ‘cool peeps’ in. I laughed way too long at this. “Herro Bouncer. I am a cool peep. May I come in?” “No you are a peep but not cool so like you need to be a cool peep.” “I’m sorreehhh.”

Friday was Jordy’s (G’s bf) leaving meal. He went back to Aus. I’ll miss him but like weeks are turning into seconds these days so one minute I’m like bye Jordy and the next I’m like I thought you just left?

I decided to make an early exit at 3am from the party on Fri (so essentially went home on Sat morn) as I went to Chelmsford on sat to see Granny and Grandad. They live in a place called Maldon which is where loads of salt comes from. We’ve got a box of it in the office.

I just nearly fell off my chair.

My current situation is at my desk at work, it’s 6.37… 6.38. I have a sore back and a sore belly and a sore arm. Sore back because I’m like the friggin hunch back of Norwich. My posture is horrendous. I’d make a good silhouette in a horror movie. I wonder if they use hunch backed people as stunt doubles of vampire’s shadows in films? I have a sore belly because I did two ab sessions at the gym (I honestly don’t know why I bother- I’ll always be slim. Some days I look a bit wobbly, other days I look great. Perhaps something to do with the 80p egg and cress sarnie I just ate. Kind of had to grapple (great word) with someone just now in M&S to secure my egg sandwich victory. S’longggg bitch.) aaaaand a sore arm because I had to get my first rabies shot today BECAUSE I’M GOING TO PERU AND APPARENTLY ONE OF THE MAIN ATTRACTIONS IS DEATH WHY DID I CHOOSE PERU WHY DIDN’T I JUST GO TO MAGALUF AND DRINK WKD I DON’T EVEN CARE ABOUT MOUTAINS.

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This is the only selfie I’ve taken recently. I know it’s a weird thing to put up but I just kind of feel like it’s good to see me in various environments, including ones where I’m in a nappy rash fake tan hell cave.

For Granny’s birthday I bought her some chocolates from LONDON’S CHOCOLATETETIRIIRRRREEEE 2015 called Paul. Paul just opened up a shop in Soho (good for you Paul). It cost me £15.5 for 9 truffles. You’ve robbed me Paul. I also bought her a cat with goggly eyes on it from Scribblr. Goggly eyes remind me of my friend Mad John.

^^^^ AHAHAHAHAHAHAH Just re read that. I bought her A CARD WITH A CAT with goggly eyes. Can you imagine, ‘here you are granny… No it doesn’t have rabies, it’s just one of those goggly eye breeds.’

I keep singing that song, ‘I can’t feel my face’ by The Weekend (if you don’t know it, laaaaaaaame) but with my own lyrics- ‘I can’t feel my face when I’m PERU, Machu Picchuuuuu, Machu Picchuuuuuu. Heh.

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^^^ FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFKKKKKKK.

Grandad made me a loaf of bread. I gave him a book of insults (one for every day of the year) that my boss was going to throw out.

I ate a whole (80% Gina had a nibble) bar of Oreo Cadbury’s last night whilst watching the worst (bear in mind my favourite movie is Shrek 1) movie ever. It was called ‘She’s the one.’ Gina and I ended up in fits of sugar induced hysterics it was THAT BAD.

When I woke up this morning, I checked the BBC news cos like, I live in London and I’m pretty sure something’s going to happen soon and I’m not talking about Crimbo. Anyways to the point, I then closed my eyes to enjoy the last 20 minutes of my sleep cave, when Gina came in. She thought I’d been asleep the whole time so as I muttered about certain raids in France she goes, ‘erm… are you awake? Oh thank god. I was going to say, you’re very informed for someone that’s unconscious.’ Anyway you had to be there I’ve just found it funny all day.

I think we’re up to date guys. I just asked Gina if there’s been any significant happenings in our life in the past week. She said, ‘mate are you joking, what about your toe last night?’.

My middle toe on my left (if you’re me looking down) foot.

It makes no sense. It bends really, quite horrifically, around to the left. It’s kind of gross but I only really thought about it last night as Gina was twiddling it and I was eating Oreo Carburryrmmmmmmymyum. Its kind of hammer headed on the end. In writing it sounds much more digusting than it is and I’m sorry. I might put a picture up on the next post but I don’t want to ward off any potential suitors.

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Isn’t this the most dumb thing you’ve ever seen? It’s MEANT to say, ‘Oh Christmas Treats’… but to me it reads, ‘Absolutely no Christmas treats here. Look away. We don’t want your merriment.’ Whittards, yo dumb.

I also went to Lex’s birthday party at Bunga Bunga. It was really nice, although NEVER GO TO BUNGA BUNGA. The bastards tried to charge me £9.50 for a small glass of the house white wine. Shame on you Bunga Bunga. Lex is extremely good looking but she has unfortunately found a new boyfriend. I’ll keep you updated if her marital status changes.

Right g2g get ma sexy lady dress for the Christmas work do tomorrow. I also want these moc croc purple kind of brown boots from Zara. Dunno guys, really don’t know. Oh and also if you take the PI out of opinion, you’re left with Onion.

 

 

 

 

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