I haven’t washed in nearly a week but I’m definitely into flossing.

I haven’t washed in nearly a week but I’m definitely into flossing.

Last time we tuned into my brain (I say this like I personally don’t engage with my brain. If that were the case then I’d be like kjdhadhjdshjklvn..2/ but it isn’t the case I just mean last time I wrote INSIDE THE MIND OF JENN) We noted (use noted here like, ‘I noticed that…’ and not like noted photographer Nigel Barker) that Hazel not only dyed her hair, but she also got a job. The next time I saw Hazel was Gina’s sister Stevie’s gig. I haven’t seen her since this so she may very well be dead and someone’s hacked her Facebook account, cruelly yet tediously pretending to be exactly like Hazel.

We also NOTED that I’ve started flossing my teeth. Like properly. Like actually every day. Perhaps this is a grown up thing to do and I’ve only just cottoned (pun intended (like the floss is pretty much mint cotton)) on to the idea.

Absolutely completely obsessed with Ellie Goulding’s new song. Every time I listen to it I pretend I’m in a music video riding a horse through Las Vegas when in reality I’m eating hummus watching Youtube.

Can I just say (can I? yes, you can Crothh because you’re essentially talking to yourself, you big bumder) that I got my highlights done avec le blowdry at Gusto in Soho (can write French) LAST FRIDAY and I HAVEN’T WASHED MY HAIR SINCE. This is either 1. Impressive 2. Disgusting. Probably a bit of both, but I’m just really enjoying having straight hair. I want to tell everyone that my hair is normally REALLY CURLY but most people don’t care either way. I’ll take a selfie so you can see how straight it is and not because I want y’all to be like cuuuuutteeeee hair Crothh.

13

Me and G have been loads of our friend Rey. Here we are chowing down hard on some pizza at Pizza Pilgrims in Kingly Court in Soho. He’s a food critic- I think. I mean I don’t actually know what he does but every time I see him I ask him and then zone out. He’s either really boring or I’m really rude. I don’t like to poo-poo myself so let’s assume my good friend Rey is boring.

OH MY GOD. I accidentally (and I mean this sincerely. Genuinely really didn’t mean for it to happen) went to the Grump club last night. I was only meant to do a little bit o’work but then I bumped into A REALLY TALL MAN WHO LIKES SPORT and well, work turned into wine. Similar how Jesus turned water into wine. And anyway, I vaguely remember talking to a lot of people in an AMERICAN ACCENT. I literally know I’m dogshit at accents so I probably sounded a bit like Siri.

I’ve been seeing loads of RORY BLUFF recently. I like him a lot. He’s tall and has a gentle face. I used to work with him in Budapest and when he was growing his hair out he looked a bit like a librarian so I called him Wendy loads and he did not like it.

Smashed the gym this week, which is not impressive because I’ve been laying horizontally eating lard for like 3 weeks (this is an exaggeration I just mean it’s similar to the horrendous lifestyle choices I’ve been making in terms of my PERSONAL FITNESS.) Got back into running which is nice.

14

I borderline died last weekend. I had an accidental mid-week bender then had to carry on with plans I’d agreed to actually do on the weekend. I like saying ‘on the weekend’. Coley (pretty much if a magical woodland creature had an orgy with a daffodil and a bag of cotton wool and the daffodil got pregnant and kept the child and it grew up in a meadow of candy floss, it would be Coley) got us super chic super fun GIRLS DAY OUT tickets to Stylist Live.

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Unfortunately for Gina I was in a bad way post-bender so we pretty much laid down at the Green & Blacks stand, and ate our body weight in chocolate. Look here I am being quirky with some balloons, etc.

Then we went to Christian’s birthday. He’s a guy I work with and I love him and I had crisps made from Champagne. But then I slopped home because, like I mentioned before, I was minutes away from dying.

12

I met up with my sister on Sunday afternoon at a café called, ‘My Village Café’ in Camden. It was really bloody quite good- kind of Kurdish vibes with a hint of vegan. I had the ginger and peppermint tea with the falafel wrap. Kirsten (sister) and I spoke about the European Union and boys then she left to go back to Manchester. I trawled a few charity shops then went back to my little Boogaloo. After this I think I tried to find my potentially dead cats. I say potentially here because I have no idea where they are- assumed dead if not just a bit AWOL.

So far this week has been pretty tame because I’m a boring bitch jks I’m wild but I’m going on holiday with my work mates on the weekend and I’m pretty sure the aim of the game is to be drunk for three days straight.

Right now at work I’m feeling good but I’m also feeling like I need a coffee and maybe a brownie. Nicky ate the last chocolate buttons, and for that I am angry with her.

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