I was getting my highlights done on Friday evening because I thought it was a super chic thing to do, and whilst the nice hairdresser lady was mixing more bleach, I suddenly thought what if I have a panic attack and have to go outside for air and I can’t because the bottle of developer strictly says don’t leave bleach on for more than half an hour and if I do that I’ll probably die from the fumes whilst having a minor melt down on the street and to make it worse I’ll be ginger because the bleach will have a funny reaction fuck fuck fuck.
It’s weird, isn’t it?- you’re like, all chipper and gal-about-town one minute, then BAM you’re a fucking wreck because anxiety’s like, ‘ohhhhh hell-to-the-NO. SIT THE F DOWN WHILST I RUIN YOUR DAY.’
I’ve even started convincing myself that if I think a bad thought, for example, ‘that man’s so fat’, I will suddenly get an anxiety attack, because my body must be punishing me for thinking something that’s mean.
Then my brain calms down a little bit because OBVIOUSLY I’ve read all the stuff online about how anxiety is a an illness and it’s very common so ‘nout to be worried about there’ so let’s just skip along boppity boo- BUT WHAT IF WHAT I HAVE IS NOT ANXIETY WHAT IF I’M DYING AND I IGNORE IT AND THEN I’LL BE ON THE FRONT PAGE OF THE NEWS: GIRL DIES BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT SHE HAD ANXIETY.
This shit is hard to deal with. So here’s how I’ve started coping with the whole ‘angst’ shebang- the only thing I’ve found really super effective (and I reckon mine’s quite mild, so this advice is just what I have found useful)… drumroll please… READ SOME BOOKS.
Well, more specifically download the Kindle app so you’ve always got something handy. I find thrillers or crime fiction particularly good, because the anxiety is then channelled into something else, rather than ignored.
NONE OF THIS IS SCIENTIFIC I AM NOT A SCIENTIST I LOOK LIKE A MAD SCIENTIST SOMETIMES BECAUSE MY HAIR IS FRIZZY AS FUCK BUT IT’S JUST WHAT I FIND PERSONALLY HELPFUL.
But honestly try it- Read! Read until your tits fall off.
Anxiety makes my brain go into overdrive, so sometimes a distraction helps-something that forces me to think about something else so that my body can calm down again, without Captain Cranium saying, ‘LOAD THE CANNONS CHAPS WE’RE UNDER ATTACK…’
And my angst has been quite bad lately. I think it’s because I just quit my job and I think my cats have died and I got dumped loads this year and I like to go out on Tuesdays and I still don’t know anything about British History and I keep losing my purse one time a fox stole it and I’m 24 which is nearly 25 which is mid-twenties and I was like 18 two minutes ago and I still don’t have long hair.
So for me, the reading has really helped. Plus, because I’m freaking out big time, I’ve read nearly two books in a month- considering I’m a big old dyslexic blob, that’s hella good going.
May I recommend for your panic attack pleasure:
How I Lost You Jenny Blackhurst
Stoner John Williams
Custard Tarts and Broken Hearts Mary Gibson
The Fault in Our Stars John Green
The Road Cormac McCarthy
The Peculiar Life of a Lonely Postman Denis Theriault
I will re-emphasise here that I understand there are many levels of anxiety, but I like reading about it, and how other people deal with their own- this is just my two cents/ pennies on the subject.
Hope it helps. Wink face Emoji.