So as you may or may not know, I live above a pub with my BFF, Gina. Sometimes, we get ourselves into the weirdest situations and SOMETIMES the stories sound a little bit ridiculous.
Here is but one of those stories…
It was dark outside, which meant it was very late. The Summer months had long warm evenings, perfect for drinking and enjoying oneself into the small hours of the morning.
Gina and Jenn had been enjoying one of these long evenings, and that is how they found themselves feeling giddy on gin, laughing gayly together in their 3am taxi.
As they hopped out of the cab, Gina muttering in northern slang, Jenny responding with garbled drunk gibberish they were amazed to see a fox- innocent as the day is long- staring at them.
Gina was enthralled, ‘Jenn- Shh a minute! Look!’. Jenny, who was equally taken in by the beautiful creature, joined in with the coaxing, ‘Come here little one, we won’t hurt you.’
Every so gently they both laid down on the grass. ‘Are you sure this is safe, Gina?’ Jenny said, thinking only of rabies.
‘Of course, let him come to you.’ Gina’s past bringing up foxes in Manchester coming to her as though it were yesterday, ‘Oh look- he’s circling us! That’s very natural Jenny. It’s their way of sussing us out.’
Minutes went by, and as the fox became more brave with these gorgeous strangers, he jumped in for the kill, bit Jenny’s hand, which was, in her personal opinion, fucking painful. Gina, being the heartless bitch that she is, commanded Jenny to stay laying there.
The fox saw his window of opportunity to really screw with poor Jenny, and lunged again, ruthlessly grabbing her purse (containing work keys, £50, Oyster, makeup) and ran off, into the warm Summer evening.
Jenny, dumbfounded and really quite hammered, couldn’t put into words what had just happened, and the merciless Gina fell to the floor in fits of laughter.
The shitting end.