I took a selfie on my self timer app cam thing developed for the most vainest of people (hi) then thought i’d be extra hilarious on the second photo. Look how down to earth i’m being. Thumbs up. 

Alright Tuesday ya scallywag.

Gotta stop talking to days of the week like they can hear me.
Anyways, yesterday at work we celebrated our boss, Tim’s, birthday. We bought him one of those tiny helicopters and a gigantic cake from The Hummingbird Bakery, which is a delicious edible treat place in Soho. Sam rang me whilst in the bakery to discuss which loving message to put on the cake. We went for ‘Rasberry Nipple’, because the word nipple is naughty. 
Mum bought me an external hard drive for my birthday which I’m gonna set up today because I want to be Holly Willoughby, therefore I need to make a show reel hence forth I bought a camcorder which alludes to the fact that I have a laptop with naff all memory in conjunction with the large filmy files i’ll have to work on the big complicated programmes to edit the filmy files so therefore, in conclusion, to summarise, the hard drive was bought.
Some of that’s not grammatically correct, but i’ll give you all a guess of how many rat’s farts I give. None actually, mainly cos I have no rat farts on offer. I’m not sat here like some witchy apothecary, with unicorn feet, snail shells and rats farts. Although I did hear once you could buy Britney’s fart in a jar. Everyone was aaaallll like ‘errghh how stupid can people be?!’. Listen up: y’all are in debt yet still have iPhones, TVs bigger than the room it goes in, hence putting it at a diagonal angle and Nike town hardly went into the recession, yet people are still fat. Britney’s farts don’t seem like such a dumb investment after all, ya dig. 
The point being, i’m not a lady warlock working on Diagon Alley, bringing home the bacon for my witchy offspring.
Rant over. I’ve never had a rant before. I don’t agree with Facebook rants. I go on Facebook to wonder if I still fancy my ex, stalk people who were popular at school and put up display pictures that actually, after a few filters on ye old Instagram, look nout like me at all. Hurrah for being fake and boo hiss to topical issues of the day.  
I got in especially early to work today to write my blog. That’s all I have to say.
Ohhhh heyyyy I went for a run last night. I bought myself some fancy overpriced Nikes (fyi I know I had a rant about people buying stuff they can’t afford, but never did I say that I didn’t include myself in those people. I am those people.) Anyhoo, I ran 10k. At the time I was all sweating and like look at me goooo and now I’m like ouch i can’t sit down. Buggernuts.
Gee just swaned in from the gym. I say swanned because she’s wearing a floaty top and she’s looking kinda floating and glidey and swan like. Good for you girl friend. Or should I say, Swan friend. That was extremely unfunny. 
A few weeks ago I wrote an email to the Metro, asking for the Good Deed Feed to to bigger. It was after I read about a homeless guy giving someone £2 to get on the bus with. I wrote some wishy washy lovey dovey email about that act of kindness should have a been a headline, not a tiny little piece. It made me smile and think way more about life than what the bloody Kardashians are up to. Anyways, if anyone has read the paper today, the Good Deed Feed to FREAKING HUGE. I’m also thinking about starting up my own newspaper, called The Good Deed Feed. But more info on that laterrrrr…. 
Plan plan plan for the week… well I’m ‘not drinking’ until Wednesday, then on Thurs going for cocktails with one of my favourite cocktail drinking buddies, then on Friday it’s Gee and I’s birthday bash at the Boogaloo. Hip hooray. 
Right peace out mother lickers, I got a meeting to attend, coffee to drink and a calves to stretch. 
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